Aetherias Moon

by Aetherias Moon

Hiya everyone, I’m back…at least sort of

So depression sucks…

I meant to spend September (and I guess half of October now) working on Fallen and other writing projects, but I spent it barely being able to get out of bed. I try to be honest on my Substack, so in some ways I feel like I should be “professional” I’d rather tell you what’s going on. Writing has become difficult for me. After experiencing a terrible situation over the summer, my critical thoughts have become unbearable. I spend all day fighting them, ignoring them, or surrendering to them. It’s the worst when it comes to my writing. Writing is my safety blanket, something that makes the world make sense for a little, but lately all I feel is overwhelmed and scared by it. Even this post is hard to write. It’s the critical thoughts telling me that my writing is awful and problematic. That I can’t make a good story, that I’m not really a writer after all. I’m a little lost, I’ll admit, but I want to come back. I think having something like this to motivate me will be good. But I’m still depressed… So in what capacity can I return to Substack?

Well, I can’t promise a schedule at the moment. I want to work back up to where I was posting two times a week, but for now I’m going to attempt to post something once a week. It’s going to be a bit loosey goosey for a bit. I’m not there yet. I wish things were different, hell my perfectionism didn’t even want me to come back. I feel like I have already failed, but that’s not how it is. I’m getting up again, I’m continuing. I’m not perfect and I don’t have to be. I’m not a machine, I’m simply human.

Sadly, I have to address Fallen. Now, I adore this novel, but I have tied it to bad memories for me, and I’ve had trouble working on it. My critical thoughts attack me the worst when I dedicate my time to it. I meant for Fallen to be lighter, but I ended up addressing harder issues than I intended in the beginning. I don’t think this is a bad thing, but I’m afraid I’m not doing it right. I can’t tell you how true or not that sentiment is. I will continue posting it at some time in the future, but for now it’s going to stay on hiatus. I’m sorry about that. This is where my perfectionism tells me I have failed the worst. It makes me not want to return, but to hang my head in shame and hide away. But I will not do that. I make mistakes, life tosses rough situations my way, and things go a different way than expected. I still feel like I need to apologize, so I’m sorry.

I should be posting a short story later this week. I have one nearly ready to go, so you can look forward to that. I’m not sure what my return will look like. Depression is the worst, but I haven’t disappeared. 

I’m back.

Yay!

-Aether