Aetherias Moon

by Aetherias Moon

image by Melyn-L-Kit

tw transphobia

The suit itched on my neck, like bugs biting my throat. The ballroom had a glass doming ceiling and a sloping floor, making it into an imperfect sphere. The pink sky scattered light across the many goblets and floating chandeliers above tables. People gathered around tables perched on little flat platforms or flew through the sky. Soft music played, but some Celestials already twirled through the sky or swayed on the dance floor below. It wasn’t quite a mellow event, but it hadn’t yet become rambunctious. Everyone still had their lingering excitement from the duel.

All but me.

The Queen coughed beside me. It crescendoed into a wet hack and I wanted to turn and comfort her, but knew that would be improper. I glanced her way without turning my head, her pale face contorted in pain, before becoming a placid smile.

“What do you think of Soran, Reni?”

I frowned. I didn’t hate my nickname as much, but it still wasn’t right…

“He did well today,” I said.

Soran flew across the sky, skimming the glass of the dome. Members of the royal guard chased after him, likely they were racing.

“Members of the court still favor him.”

My fingers pressed into my too tight suit.

“I understand.”

“You’re too passive, Reni.”

“I have time.” I refused to look at her, to see the haunted expression buried in her gaze.

“You do well, but you lack his spark,” she said. “Or Dona’s.” Her voice darkened.

I bit my lip and stared off into space.

“I am favored by the Queen, regardless of what the court thinks.” I said. It wasn’t nearly as dire as my mother made it out to be. The court held me in high accord, but I didn’t have the flair of being a warrior like Ansun or Dona.

Could they tell that there was something off with me? Like I felt deep in my bones. Did they see it too? Maybe if I could just root out the wrongness, they’d accept me-

“You will be a good king.”

I held back a hiss, but my body tensed, and I knew the Queen had seen it.

“A good king indeed.”

“You’re not dead yet,” I said too quickly. I stared at Ansun as he looped past two guards, sluicing through them in a perfect, yet not quite elegant, dive.

Mother clicked her tongue, but let me be.

Guilt and anger built on my skin, contained in the suit squeezing me until I felt I’d be sick. I wanted to rip it off, to hide under my blankets, to close my eyes and pretend that I didn’t have this body.

I wanted to disappear.

For once, I let myself take the wrong step, but the right action for me. I flapped my silver tinged wings and flew up to a balcony that led into a more secluded section of the palace. Inside, away from the sun-tinged ballroom, I took a deep breath. A few nobles wandered through the inner corridor. They bowed or curtsied as I went past. A fake smile hid on my lips as I made my way to an empty alcove. Globes of light floated in the air outside of it, but none entered the cramped space. In the dark, I wrapped my arms around myself and sighed.

King.

King…

Suits and ties, and a crown weighing a thousand stones.

It wouldn’t happen right away, but then I thought of mother’s hacking cough and I shivered. Tears threatened to fall.

“Ah, here you are, cousin,” Dona said.

I stiffened as he stepped into the alcove with me.

“What do you want?”

“So abrupt.”

“I’m not in the mood.” I turned towards the wall. Like a child, I wanted to think that if I couldn’t see him, he wasn’t real.

A hand slammed into the wall in front of me. Breath stuck to my neck is a sickly mist.

“Why are you always like this?”

“Like what,” I whispered.

“Combative.”

“You’re the one pinning me against the wall.”

“I’m not pinning you,” he said.

I shot into the wall, my body forced against it by a too strong arm.

“Now, I’m pinning you,” he growled into my ear.

“Let go!”

“I need you to listen to me.”

I stayed silent, closed my eyes. Like a child, maybe if I couldn’t see-

“You’re going to abdicate.”

“What?”

“You don’t want to make an enemy of me, cousin.”

I twisted against him, but his grasp tightened. I let out a yelp, and a hand wrapped around my mouth.

“Quiet,” he said. “I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

I bit him. He hissed. I curled magic around my fingertips. Wind coursed around my skin, I flourished my fingers and a whirlwind slapped into Dona. He flew through the air and barely managed to keep himself from falling on his ass.

“Why would I abdicate?” I stepped forward, my heart pounding. “Tell me.” The wind danced around me, called to me. It loved me like I was its only lover. I wasn’t a warrior, but I did command the wind.

“Because we don’t need an abomination like you as king.” He smiled wickedly. “Or would you rather be queen?”

My heart stopped, and a guttural sound came from my lips.

He laughed and stood up. “Just do what I say.”

“I’ll never let someone as cruel as you be in charge of the Empire.”

He smiled.

Wind ran across my fingertips, my wings twitched and hit the walls around me. I hated I had confined myself.

The air flickered. Dona grabbed me by the neck. I hadn’t even seen him move. He shoved me against the wall. I croaked, trying to say anything.

“I’ve been too nice to you,” he said too evenly.

I shivered and clawed at his wrist.

“I’ll ask one last time,” he said. “Abdicate.” He shoved me against the wall.

I laughed. “Bite me.”

He showed his teeth, and a moment later, I screamed out in pain. He bit into my neck until blood trickled down my chest.

I shoved him away with every ounce of force I could muster with the wind. He skidded across the ground. He looked up at me and wiped my blood off his lips.

He bared his crimson teeth. Then he stalked away.

I slid to the ground as I pressed a hand against my neck. My heart thumped down into my toes and fingertips. I curled in on myself, wrapping my wings around me and cocooning myself.

That couldn’t have happened.

Yet wetness pooled against my hand. I sat there for I don’t know how long. Eventually my wound clotted and my cheeks dried. The music died in the distance and I forced myself to stand. Cowering beneath my wings, I made my way back to my room.

I stood in front of the long mirror and pulled off the blanket covering it. I stared at my blood spattered suit, and somehow it seemed right. Like the wrongness had finally flooded out of me.

I held up a hand, realizing what I could have done all along. Light beamed out from my hand. I wasn’t attuned with healing, but I wasn’t untrained in it, either. Warmth flooded down my skin and the jagged marks in my skin faded. A faint mark remained when I washed away the blood.

Throwing the cloth back over the mirror, I wormed my way under my bedcovers and tried to forget everything.

Abdicate.

Abdicate..

Abdicate…

…

Never.

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