Aetherias Moon

by Aetherias Moon

tw mentions of suicidal thoughts

I saved myself. That’s all that matters. You can stigmatize me if you like, call me crazy, call me weak.

But what matters is I’m alive.

On the 13th I signed myself into a mental hospital. I was experiencing mania mixed with suicidal thoughts and was worried for my safety. I was so nervous everyone around me would judge me, but in the end all they said was that they were proud of me. Proud that I recognized what I needed.

It sucked a little bit. I couldn’t do anything that comforted me, no music, no journaling without supervision, no peace and quiet. I had multiple panic attacks a day in the beginning until they started to get my meds right. Then I started to realize it wasn’t so bad.

I remember staring out the window and just desperately wishing that I was the person walking their dog, a kid playing soccer, someone huddling under an umbrella in the rain. I just wanted to be free.

But it wasn’t really bad.

I got help. I’m doing a bit better now, and I’m safe.

I don’t really know what else to say. I just wanted to give a bit of an update. I’ve been struggling with my mental health, so I plan on continuing to post, but it might be a bit more erratic. I’d really appreciate it if you stuck it out with me. I’m not going anywhere.

Checking myself into the hospital proved that.

With love,

Aether.